Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Still in Singapore, I was released from the hospital about a week ago. To say that I have been struggling would be an understatement. Things are not going well, each day is an uphill battle. Tonight, I miss my beautiful Nonno. So much. I am just dead inside.
For those of you who don't know, I got a pretty big rib tattoo in his honour shortly after his passing. Here is a picture (I know, I'm huge, please don't point it out. You can think it quietly in your heads, but please don't say anything. If it's any consolation, I have lost about 10lbs due to my hospitalization. It has also left me very tired and weak and unable to sleep more than an hour per night).

I had my final hospital visit in this country today. It went fine, had to meet a shrink, then the medical doc. My liver and muscle enzymes have all normalized. Everyone is incredibly impressed by the extreme recovery I have made. I am impressed too, definitely never imagined that my body would be so resilient. As grateful as I know that I am expected to be, I'm just not feeling it. I really wanted to die.

Thank you all for your lovely comments. I have been reading them as well as your blogs. I still need a break from this world though. Just need some time. I just wanted to share these pictures with you. The top one was taken a few short months before his death. He was so lovely.

You are all in my thoughts and I hope that you are doing well.

All my love,
Lena xx

Monday, July 15, 2013

I failed. I took hundreds and hundreds of 6 different kinds of meds, but I still failed. And now I'm in a hospital bed, in a strange country where I am just ashamed and alone and a failure at one more thing. I will spend my 21st birthday (tomorrow) in this hospital bed and I will cry in shame and guilt at my own pathetic-ness.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013