Just a quick post to say that my ex-roommate/friend/whatever was a no-show last night so I stressed out for nothing. Except, what pisses me off, is that she went and told people that she didn't think she should come if I was maybe gonna be there. So then it came out that we aren't friends anymore (or whatever this stupid situation is). I mean, I have made it a point to keep this away from all of our mutual friends because a) I don't like to air my dirty laundry in public, b) I thought it'd be more respectful to her and to our obliterated friendship, c) I don't want any of our friends to feel awkward/like they have to take sides or whatever, and d) it serves absolutely no purpose to say anything to anyone. So she went and told the guy who's birthday it was, when I had coffee with this guy a few weeks ago for a couple of hours and said nothing to him. Not only do I find it totally inappropriate to make someone's birthday somehow about you, but on top of it he was a bit hurt because I didn't say anything (yeah, he's sensitive like that). Plus, she comes across as the martyr who is sacrificing so much because of me. But I never asked her to steer clear of me and I was gonna play nice. AND THIS WASN'T ABOUT HER, IT WAS ABOUT THIS GUY'S BIRTHDAY. And I know that she just didn't feel like going, so this gave her the perfect out. It really makes me fume that she would use me and our problems like that. GAHH.
*deep breath*
Anyways. I know that this is all petty and everything. I know. But I feel like I should say something to her about how infantile she is being. What do you guys think, yay or nay? Do I say something or just let it go? I really suck at letting go... (I'm actually hoping for advice on this one because my "real life friends" are tired of hearing me talk about these things.)
In other news, my Saturday was super productive (woot!) and I've lost 5lbs in 10 days (woot woot!). This is without heavy restricting or anything, no binges, eating pretty freaking clean (knock on wood). Do you believe me when I say that I actually leaped into the air when I saw the number? Oh, it's the little things, isn't it? :p
Hope you're having a great weekend.
All my love,
Lena xx
Orz. I hate those people who have no guts to tell the truth.. You shouldn't consider her as a friend, honey. And if it bothers that much you should face her with her ugly behavior. I mean I have no idea what kind of person she is but perhaps she apologize and not do this again to you.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes ♥. It's the little things.
A huge embrace, have a lovely Sunday yourself.
Claudelle
I'm going to stick with what I told you yesterday. Not a martyr, dramatic. You're being an adult and she's making the scene. I feel that it shows you took it hard but are acting with dignity and moving on, even if inside it still hurts a lot.
ReplyDeleteI'm really proud of you and I know how hard it is to keep toured righted when school is so damn hard.
Don't forget that I love you and don't know what I would do without you often time. :)
friends suck as. never expect anything from people. they'll fuck you up and disappoint you.
ReplyDeletesorry. too pessimistic? xD
honestly im sorry. psdfkspgks horrid. it must be so heart-breaking - especially with everything that's happened with you recently. you're not exactly in the most amazing situation right now.
"Plus, she comes across as the martyr who is sacrificing so much because of me." oh needs to be punched this one
the poor bloke though!
the solution is easy: tell her. like you said you have a problem letting these things go. sometimes, you have to think about you and yourself considering she's just being a plain... bitch sorry
how does one lose 5lbs in 10 days can you please teach me (congrats btw) and im glad for your productive Sunday! 5lbs is not little lady! xD
oh oh oh i love you loads and also, i hope you're coping well with everything. i know the last few months have been insanely hard on you and i'm just leaving this as a note just in case you don't feel well or anything: you're not worthless. there is no part of you i would hate and a lot of people wouldn't either. what you think of yourself is based on pure imagination. whatever anyone said or you told anyone a few years back or a few months back or a few hours back - i doubt they'd remember it as much as you. you do not deserve to punish yourself for anything. a lot of people love you. a lot of people would do a lot for you. we want you alive. we need you to be alive, because you deserve to be. simply for the fact that you are human.
i hope that i've covered it all. i find at some point the depression starts drifting off from "oh my god i'm so fat i want to die" to "I DID SOMETHING WRONG IN 5TH GRADE. EVERYONE REMEMBERS. EVERYONE HATES ME" (trying to make the situation as light as possible though it is not a light situation nor is it okay - i like to call the moments of impeding crying that are alike to a panic attack crying fits.) that happens in those. so i'd just want to let you have something to refer back to (fuck i sound like a teacher).
also, as a response to your comment on my post: nope. not bulimia. not technically anymore. i alternated between just about everything, restricting, just plain binging, binging and purging, purging and restricting, purging and eating normally, purging having just a tad over eaten - purging without laxative, purging without inducing vomit, all the purges. pretty much did all of them. the exercise one. chewing and spitting. whatever it is. i couldn't put it into a category. so i just stamped it on with EDNOS and was on my way i suppose. the depression comes with anorexia for me (as in the 'loss of appetite' anorexia). nope! don't mind the questions btw.
my dreams are horrid. i think i remember them only because a) i hate dreaming so much so i'm inclined to remember every dream i have and b) i dream a lot more when i'm depressed - i always have a dream on a night or two before an exam due to anxiety and c) i think it's because i tell other people about my dreams within 5 seconds of me waking up + i wake up in complete panic so yes, the dreams wake me up thus i remember them? shockingly, these are only a few dreams. there are loads of dreams i really don't remember.
my mood's been this way since i started college. it's been because of all the thin people that were there and now i don't notice anyone but still in that mood? and it's okay. it happens i suppose. better than constant panic and paranoia i tell you though!
xo
i love you, sweetie. take care of yourself x
-Sam Lupin