Friday, January 04, 2013


I am officially losing it. Like, at work, trying not to have a panic attack. Yesterday was pretty much just one giant disaster/failure. Let's just not even talk about food. People brought tons of sweets and drinks and food and just shoved it all down my throat. I couldn't even say no, they were literally putting it in my face. So I don't want to talk about it. It was terrible.

My roommate, a friend and I spent the entire afternoon cleaning and painting so that, by 7pm, 30 minutes before people were to show up, I was an exhausted mess. My boyfriend surprised me by coming back early from his parents' just for the party. I hadn't seen him in about 2 weeks, so it was really nice that he came. Quite a few people showed up, the apartment was so crowded. I was really anxious, trying to get people to mingle as there were friends from many different circle. I was finally just starting to relax when the ceiling on our first floor started leaking water like crazy. We went to our second floor only to find that someone had clogged the toilet, hadn't told us, and the bowl was overflowing everywhere. There were a good 2 inches of water on the bathroom floor and it was flooding everything downstairs. It was a total disaster. After we shut the valve and cleaned everything up, my roommate and I just locked ourselves in a room and had a meltdown. After the meltdown we made a plan to deal with everything the next day (today). I hate chaos. I hate parties. i hate having people over. I hate everything. 

And, now, my work schedules have come in for both my jobs and I'm starting school on Monday and it's all just a disaster. Like, I don't know when I will get the chances to settle into my apartment. I'll post it here because I need to make lists to keep me from having a panic attack.

  • Saturday - work 7h-15h (might change to 7h-23h)
  • Sunday - work 7h-15h (might change to 15h-23h and I might have a UN brunch thingy in the morning), soccer 17h (might not go), passion play 19h (might not go)
  • Monday - class 8h30-14h30, doc apt 15h15-16h, work 18h-20h
  • Tuesday - class 8h30-14h30, job 16h-20h
  • Wednesday - class 8h30-14h30, job 16h-20h
  • Thursday - class 8h30-15h30, job 18h-20h
  • Friday - class 8h30-11h30, job 16h-21h
  • Saturday - mom's bday, laser at 18h(?)
  • Sunday - might have the UN brunch thingy here instead.
The UN thing is that TA-ing job that I have at my old school. It's normally every Wednesday night but the students only start school on the 16th so it will only start next week But I'm supposed to have a meeting with the other TAs in the near future, and we had said that we would go for lunch. Clearly, this is complicated.

My boyfriend and his roommates also want us to exchange gifts (and my bf also just wants us to hang out just the two of us), but this also seems impossible.

And I have to move in.

So my life is total chaos and I am completely losing it. I don't know how I will ever survive the next week or so. I really don't. 

And, yeah, back to food. Yesterday was so so so so bad. I had chocolate and pizza and beer and chips and fudge and I don't remember what else. It was just terrible. I don't even want to talk about it. And it wasn't even like it was a binge; people just kept giving me food over and over and I just couldn't even say no. The only silver lining is that I didn't throw up. But maybe I should have.

As for today, here is my intake so far:
  • Orange juice (110cal)
  • 1/2 pink grapefruit (41cal)
  • Poached egg (71cal)
  • 1 slice whole wheat toast (80cal)
Total: 302cal, minus the fruits equals 151cal on HSGD. Today on the HSGD I'm allowed 950cal. Very much doable, I'm not worried. At least one thing in my life is under control. Jesus. 

Gonna go read your blogs now girlies. I'll update tonight with the details of my intake for the day. God, lists make me feel better. Oh man. 

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