Thursday, January 03, 2013


So this morning started off well and continued badly. I did a proper weigh in and I am 148lbs. Thank God. It's still huge, but less than yesterday when I was at 153 and freaked out. But then, of course, I had to binge. I had a great breakfast and then I just ruined it. I feel so stupid. And so sick. I just want to put up my "back in 5" sign at work and go throw up, I feel so sick. I'm drinking water to try to calm my tummy a bit, but no luck. I wasn't going to write about my binge here because I felt too embarrassed but I've decided that I should if only so that I have to face the consequences. So here's what I ate:
  • Orange juice (110cal)
  • 2 clementines (56cal)
  • Poached egg (71cal)
  • Whole wheat toast (80cal)
That was my breakfast, I was doing so well. Is it terrible that I know all these numbers by heart, don't even have to enter them in my calculator? I'm becoming so good at estimating calories, it's scary. So, yeah. That was a total of 316, minus the fruits so just 151 on HSGD. Which was great. But then I went and screwed it up by eating 8 chocolate chip cookies. Not one, not two, EIGHT. Wtf. I'm disgusting. For real. Eight. Jesus. so those alone were 680cal. SIX HUNDRED AND EIGHTY. What is wrong with me? Sob. So that takes me up to 996 total, minus fruits so 830cal. I'm allowed 1000cal today on HSGD. But I'm supposed to have pizza and beer tonight at the house warming. Sigh. I'm thinking that if I am DYING OF HUNGER, then and only then will I have HALF a piece of veggie pizza tonight. Nothing else. I won't even have any beer because I'm driving back home tonight after the party (because we haven't moved our beds in yet, lame, I know, haha). I might have some fruits this afternoon but, honestly, I feel so sick right now, I don't know why I would want to. God. Such a pig. I was doing so well too. It's ok. It's ok. It'll be ok. Right? I really hope so. And I hope that the party goes ok. Uggh.I suck.

Sorry for the boring post. I feel like we're all feeling kind of crappy today. I'll try to update later on how the party went if I'm not too tired.

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