Again, this won't be a proper post as I'm just writing this between classes. I promise that I'll get to it asap.
First off, just a huge welcome to my new followers, it's so flattering, as always. (Though it does make me feel a little anxious to think that I now have to "perform" or something... Make things interesting in some way...)
Secondly, just a clarification concerning my last post, because some of the comments made me feel as though there was a bit of confusion. I have never been nervous about mental health lectures before and have always found them very interesting. They don't make me sad or stressed or anything normally. It's just that now, just a few months I was "ill" (this is code for "tried to seriously hurt myself", which is also code for attempted suicide and was hospitalized in a foreign country for 10 days, all of which is very difficult for me to say), these lectures are difficult for me to sit in on. This is partly due to the fact that I'm still having flashbacks from that event, from the hospital, from everything, so I spend most of my time pushing those thoughts out of my head/being in denial. Also, I always feel as though the lectures are describing me, which is a bit unnerving. It is also partially because I hate hearing people talk about things that they have never ever experienced first hand. The lecturers are usually ok, because they have obviously been exposed to these situations, but my peers aren't. In between lectures on mental illness, they judge and analyze and pretend to understand when they don't. They talk about how "Yeah, sometimes I double-check if the door is locked, God I'm crazy" and "Once I imagined hanging myself and got so scared that I immediately stopped and saw a therapist for a year because I was so concerned". And I just can't deal with it. We had a Small Group on overdose and their level of ignorance was driving me insane. I have overdosed. I am/was sick. I have experienced all of this first-hand. I don't feel superior, I just feel as though they will never adequately grasp what they are talking about and I really wish that they would stop pretending to.
Anyways, I just thought that maybe my last post warranted this clarification. I hope that you are all having a lovely day.
P.S. Dan is meeting me for lunch and I have a feeling that he will be telling me that he loves me, and I find this so incredibly terrifying because I have absolutely no idea how to reply to that sort of thing... But this is definitely a story for another time.