Friday, December 28, 2012

What a fail

Ok, so, I suck. I'm pms-ing like a crazy person, my period is now 3 days late, and I can't seem to stop eating. I want to devour everything, regardless of the fact that things at work are incredibly overpriced. So much for the HSGD. Ugggh. I think I'll just try to live with as little guilt and while doing as little damage as possible until the Holidays are over and then weigh myself, found out how bad everything is and pick up from there. Because, right now, I'm getting so much anxiety thinking about the next week and a half and how I won't be able to stop myself from eating with all the parties I have and my period and everything. I will probably end up feeling sick and throwing up a lot, but that just seems to be my reality now, no matter what I eat. I can't go a day without throwing up, unless I eat like less than 500cal. Otherwise, I throw up every single day, at least once, but usually twice and sometimes more. I'm going crazy. I know how disappointing this will sound to you, I feel terribly disappointed myself, but I just don't see how I can do this. I am literally having to fight off a panic attack every time I think about food. But I want SO MUCH. And I am giving myself enough anxiety over work and school coming up and the move and the house warming party that I'm going to have to throw, I can't be giving myself anxiety about food too, I'm going to go insane. Plus I'm not seeing any shrinky people at least until school starts, so I have to try to remain somewhat sane on my own for a bit. And food helps with that. I know it's terrible, but it does. It makes me feel better. I grew up with people that always fed me to comfort me, and it worked. So that's what I'm used to. Once school starts and I'm all settled in my new home (cue the panic attack), I'll have more control over everything and I'll be able to better plan and control what and when I eat. Thank God. I'm actually seriously freaking out right now.

1 comment:

  1. I am freaking out too, I have eaten so much its untrue :/ eeeeeeek xx