Sunday, February 24, 2013

No more messing around

Ok. Time to get this show on the road. It is 1:30pm. I woke up feeling sick, then binged and now feel sick again. Stupid? Yes. But now it's done. I will not throw up because enough is enough and I deserve to let all that food fester inside of me anyways. Now. I have 9 lectures to listen to today. I also have 4 lectures' notes to highlight and 2 lab talks to listen to. That probably will not be happening today, but will have to happen some time this week. My midterm is next Monday, including an MCQ portion and an anatomy practical portion. So I will also have to go to the anatomy lab a couple of times this week to take a look at the things I missed this past week. This week, I will also have a Small Group session on anemia to prepare and 10 lectures to read up on, as well as 2 anatomy labs and 2 histo labs to prepare for. I will NOT miss anymore lectures. I missed one histo lab this past week, but I can do that before the final, no big deal. I am working 4pm-8pm on Monday and 4pm-9pm on Thursday. I have a Palliative Care visit on Wednesday at 3:30, then a recap meeting with my group, and then the UN TA-ing thing from 6-9 (which I will most probably be late for). I won't have time to go run today, but I WILL go tomorrow before work, on Tuesday after class, and on Friday. I will be missing part of the histo lab on Thursday because of work. And I'm seeing my shrink on Friday and I won't be seeing him for 2 weeks after that because he's going to be on break. I WILL go, no matter how much I don't want to. I will not eat any meal but dinner, if I must. We hardly have any food left anyways, except the things that I've cooked and frozen of course. The vegan thing is going well and the cheese and yogurt cravings have died down, so that's very good news. I will NOT let the bf come over and distract me this week. My midterm is next week and I need to have my head in the game. He and I can see each other after that exam, though he might be going back home for Spring Break.This is my plan for the week.  This week WILL go well. It isn't overly-packed and I can do this. Tonight, I am going to bed early so that I can get up tomorrow to go to school and I WILL sleep. I luckily have Tuesday night and Friday night off, so I WILL have time to do everything that I want to do. I will make one-page summaries of each lecture like I did for my last exam and I will get my roommate to quiz me. It'll all be ok. Better than ok. I will not be ashamed of this Unit like I have been of the other ones. I have already ingested 881 calories today (gaaahhh), so nothing but tea and gum and water will pass my lips from this point forward. I will focus. Anxiety or no anxiety, depression or no depression, concentration issues or not, food issues or not, sleep or no sleep. I. Will. Focus. I know how to learn, I love to learn, I will learn. I will learn all that there is to learn about the upper limbs and I will be a great doctor. That is all. Rant. Over.


  1. "It isn't overly-packed"?! Damn girl, I was just about to say what a busy week you have ahead of you!
    I'm sorry that things didn't go so well with the boyfriend and the dumplings. Today is a new day, as is tomorrow.
    You sound so focused and organized. I'm sure you'll do well on your midterm, and you'll make an amazing doctor.
    Good luck working through your to do list! xxxx

    1. Haha, yeah, my shrink is always telling me that I have to "set realistic goals". I guess that my weekly plans are always a bit unrealistic, but this one seemed more achievable than most.
      Thank you so much for writing, Bella, I appreciate it so much. I'm still making my way through your blog, almost caught up :)

  2. Well I don't see why you wouldn't be an amazing doctor. In fact, we should just consider getting a practice together. One stop shop. Mental and physical. :P
    I know you can do it hun!
    I hate the feelings I get when I look at the mountain that is my oncoming week, but you can do this, I can do it, and we will write each other on Friday fucking ecstatic at our productivity, okay?
    Make sure you take a little bit of you time. It does wonders for the chaos that is academia.
    You are loved and I'm thinking of you.

    1. Hahaha, oh dear, dunno how functional it would be to have a one-stop-shop to have people treated by two more-or-less functional individuals :p
      God, forget about Friday, I can sigh in relief Monday once this midterm is over. How's your week treating you?
      I'm still reading even though I haven't been commenting quite as actively!
      Lots of love xxx

  3. I think it's amazing that you are in med school
    I don't know you but I'm sure you will make a fantastic doctor
    You have the drive and ambition and most of all you have heart
    I would have loved to ave gone to meds school but my illness stopped me from pursuing my education
    I've seen so many doctors over the years and precious few have had any insight in to eating disorders
    I hope to work helping people over theirs in the future

    Stay strong x

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words, Ruby, I appreciate them so much. I do hope that I'll make a good doctor and I won't just get caught up in the system like so many do.
      I'm sure that your future will be bright and that you will be able to help others; you're already helping me with your posts :)
      Take care sweetie xx