Friday, February 22, 2013

What. A. Fail.

After not sleeping this week, of course my body decides to sleep right through my alarm this morning. Of course. And of course I had to put earplugs in last night because there were trucks outside my window moving snow from one pile into another. Of course. So I didn't hear my alarm and my roommate woke me up in a panic but it was too late because I would've just shown up for the last 30 minutes of a 2h mandatory small group. Of course. And then of course I respond to this by writing a panicked email to my shrink to see if he can write me a note to excuse my absence so that I don't get penalized the 2% the group was worth. Of course I make a big deal about 2%, mostly because I'm incredibly ashamed. And then, of course, instead of picking myself up and dusting myself off, I decide to eat a shit ton and just crash on the couch in pathetic self-loathing. Of course. Oh and have I mentioned that I have had to cancel all 8 of my planned activities for this weekend so that I can catch up on this week of class that I've missed? Yeah, that's right. Just gonna be a hermit in the apartment trying to do things that I should've already done. And have I also mentioned that I'm so traumatized by my last electricity bill that I have lowered the heating to almost nothing and I am now permanently freezing? Yeah, of course. So I am just miserable. I disgust myself. I really do. I don't know why I am so pathetic, I don't know why this week is going so badly, I don't know why my stupid weak body needs food and sleep, I don't know why. And I don't know why I'm tired ALL THE FREAKING TIME.I just want a vacation. That's what I want. A beach, some warmth and a vacation. I'm tired of all of this. I'm just done. I'm broken. But my semester runs until the end of June and I don't get a Spring Break, so, yeah, no. No vacation. Ever. For the next 4 months. For the next four months I have to keep up this insane pace without any break in sight. Just. Great.


  1. We are struggle busin' hard this week.. I wish I could hug you. This really is an insane pace and they expect excellence from you no matter what the cost. Fuck you guys I'm exhausted! When I have weeks like these I make a list of shit to be done and I prep as best as I can for the next week while doing a mental reset.
    Hang in there chick and remember I suffer with you.

    1. Oh man, yeah, I'm the queen of list-making and just getting through as much as physically possible. That's the plan for this weekend! I'm gonna be all alone, hermit-style, so you will probably be my only friend. So sad :p

    2. Not sad! You can even email me if you want! I would love to talk. :)

  2. Things sound tough! I hope everything perks up soon :) xx