Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Mid-week, meh-week

I haven't been able to read and write as much as I would've liked so far this week because we've been having problems with the internet at the apartment, it fluctuates a lot, making it difficult to load pages and all that. My roommate is supposed to call tech support some time this week, so hopefully it will get fixed soon. It's so frustrating because all my work is online, so I really need access. Also, it's crazy how, after just a couple of days, I already miss this world. 

Yesterday and today haven't been great. I woke up feeling terribly sick yesterday so I did not go to any classes. And then the bf decided to sleep over last night. I don't like it when he just springs that on me because I have a single bed and already don't get much sleep, so I can't sleep at all when he's crammed in that tiny bed with me. Also, I have a lot of issues when it comes to being intimate with someone, and he just doesn't get that and always tries crossing boundaries that I've set up. Gives me so much anxiety. Today I had to meet a patient that I shadow at 10:30, so I just got up late and didn't go to any of the labs today, making me already 7 lectures and 2 labs behind after missing two days. I'm seriously the worst med student ever. I feel terribly lazy and guilty about it all the time. I was also supposed to have a dinner with work today, but I hate these kind of sit-down events with people that have very little in common with me and where I have to eat in front of people to seem normal. Just so not worth it. So I just called my manager and said that I had too much work on my plate and wouldn't be able to go. Such a coward, I know. But at least I didn't just nap at home; I cooked for nearly 5 hours straight, making 5 different recipes that I can freeze. My roommate doesn't cook, so I do all the cooking and I like getting it all done at once so that I don't have to prepare something when I get home at 9 after over 12 hours of school and work. I was a bit frustrated today though because my roommate has a tendency of opening things and letting them go bad, which forced me to throw a bunch away today. I also got the electricity bill from the last 2 months and nearly had a heart attack: over 285$. That's because it was terribly cold in January, reaching -40C with the windchill. But it's also partially because my roommate, though she's an environmentalist, is pretty wasteful with heating and electricity, running our bill high. So yeah, let's just say that this living on my own thing is running through my savings pretty fast.

Calorie-wise, the last couple of days have been so-so, with net intakes of 888 and 832 each. Not terribly, but not great either. I guess I can live with it though, at least for now, especially since I've been yo-yoing between extremes since the Holidays. Maybe being mediocre but stable will be better overall. At least that's how I'm trying to justify it, haha

Anyways, hope you are all doing well and I am so appreciative of my new readers. It's really nice to know that someone is listening :)
Take care! xx
P.S. Oh and I haven't thrown up in about a week, so yay, right? Ha, the things I strive for, so sad. 


  1. So I have my lab write up I need to do and should have been done with today to be on schedule. Nope. Didn't happen. I feel like this week, even though it's only the end of Tuesday, has already made me so far behind. I literally have to force myself to do my online bio homework and my readings right now. I just want a break. That's all I want. A guilt free night to just take a breather. Yah right. Right there with you girl. You're definitely in my thoughts.
    With your bf, maybe try talking to him? Because of my abuse it's hard for me to set boundaries so I know it's a hard thing to do, especially when you care about someone.
    Love reading your blog! I always feel like we're on the same page, especially because our schedules are insanity.
    I love you lots girl! Take care okay?

    1. Yeah, I know, I'm so behind too. I hate falling behind in the first half of the week because I feel like I'll never catch up. I'm dying for a break too. Is your spring break coming up soon? We don't get one in med, but I'd kill for one right about now. I just need some sunshine and warmth.
      Yeah, Dan and I have talked. I mean, I'm kinda just rolling with the punches at this point, shutting my mouth. He tried to break up with me a few weeks ago for a bunch of reasons, and I just can't do that right now. So I'm basically just sucking everything up. I know that it sounds terribly passive and cowardly, but I just can't do it, the whole breaking up thing.
      Yeah, I've never been abused. You've mentioned it a few times, but I don't think you wrote what happened. Must've been really hard. For me, it's more that, in my family, there's no touching unless you want to hurt someone, so I'm just not used to being touched. My roommate loves hugs and stuff, but she knows to warn me before she touches me. With my bf, it's more challenging. People just don't understand.
      Yeah, you take care of yourself too! Don't want you burning out or anything. I know it's weird, but I sometimes find myself wanting to tell my roommate "yeah, I have a friend that said/did this...", but then I realize that I'm talking about people that I've never met and it's a bit strange :p But do take care of yourself, I worry if you don't.

  2. I love that you make meals to freeze in advance. It's so convenient, and home cooking is always the best.
    -40c?! Crap, that's cold! We get more like +40c at the moment, it's awful.
    Congrats on the intake, and yay for not throwing up for a week! It's not sad, it's an important goal and it's a huge achievement.

    Take care sweetie :) xx

    1. Yeah, exactly! I really don't have time every night to cook, so this is a pretty great compromise. And it allows my roommate to eat earlier/without me if she wants to.
      Yeup, it's been really cold this winter over here. Jealous of your +40, not gonna lie. When I came back from Taiwan last summer, I was just freezing all the time because I wasn't used to it being below 30 haha
      You too take care! :) xx