Friday, March 01, 2013

I feel like my posts are always really down and depressing. I don't mean for them to be, I think that it might be because I'm just so tired and overwhelmed by the time I write them that I feel really down. This being said, I didn't get any work done today and I'm starting to freak out for my exam on Monday. I don't know how I'll get through this. My roommate keeps telling me "one day at a time." So that's what I'll do, one day at a time.

I had to apply for summer internships today (the deadline was March 1st) for when I get back from Singapore. I know that it's gonna be a crazy summer, but I really need this to get some money. Anyways, I applied to 27 different places. One has already replied saying their full, but I'm hoping that somewhere will want me. My CV is pretty good and I seem well-rounded on the outside, so hopefully things will work out. I also had to do some cooking because a bunch of food was going to go bad, so I kind of improvised this cream-of-random-veggies, inspired from a cream of fennel and mushroom. To make a long story short, I ended up cutting out the mushrooms, throwing in a bulb of fennel, some celery, a cucumber, some cauliflower and two potatoes, and switching the milk for soy milk. My roommate tasted some when she got home and said that it was great. Who would've guessed? I also had to cook some tofu, so I stir fried it with some mushrooms and garlic, soy sauce, hot pepper, sesame oil and cornstarch. Turned out pretty great too. Guess I was lucky. 

I finally had a satisfactory net today of -700cal because of the extra long shift I worked on my feet and the cooking I did. Good news at last. Though I am exhausted. I'm also starting to develop these weird food hoarding habits. I'll set food out for myself and then leave a bunch there for days and days (in a tupperware), unable to ever convince myself to eat it. At work too; I work at a bulk food store, so I'll hoard nuts or candies or licorice or whatever, hiding them from people at work, taking them home to give to my roommate. It's all pretty strange. I don't know, do any of you do this? It's ok if I'm just a freak, haha

I'm hungry; eating vegan, I find it hard to ever be full. Guess that's a good thing.

Take care girlies, hope you're all doing well!


  1. I feel down too.. That's why I try writing about random things. In my mind people will stop reading my blog because who wants to hear the fat girl whine all the time? I just want to cry because I ate today and not just anything, I gave in and had monkey bread and I just want to cry and I'm huge and I want to weigh myself tomorrow so I can hate myself some more. I'm back on this self-insulting and my exam is tomorrow and I'm so nervous and basically I sound like a frantic mess right now. I totally understand the depression thing is the moral lol.
    I buy things but it will take me a while to eat. I've had Special K bars for weeks now and I want to eat them but them I know I might have another one. Sorry, I'm a wreck too lol. Breath, right?

  2. Yeah, I know, I'm scared that people are just gonna find my posts too depressing too. Honestly, I just haven't been happy in so long, but this makes it really obvious. You get used to feeling sucky, you know?
    I'm really wishing you the best of luck for your exam tomorrow, I hope it goes well for you. I know that you've been working so hard.
    I had no idea what monkey bread was, guess it's an American thing, but I googled it. I laughed when I read that it's a breakfast food. only in U.S.A. :p
    I know that it probably won't make you feel any better, but you know that it's ok to eat once in a while, right? Just a little FYI, it would seem that normal people eat :p
    Yeah, for me it's like that too, or I'm scared that, if I eat it, I'll want it later and I won't be able to have it because there will be no more. So I save the "lasts" of a lot of things. It's pretty weird.
    Yes, keep breathing my dear, one day at a time!

  3. Mine can be depressing a lot of the time too.. I'm so hard on myself that eventually you don't want to witness someone hurt themselves that much. I don't mind reading yours or anyone's that sad. I just want everyone to have moments of happiness too.
    Genetics and I aren't friends and I just really don't care anymore. I should but I don't. My friends are over doing homework and eventually they'll leave to go to bed and I'm afraid of the tears that probably will come.
    It's horrible isn't it? It's delicious though.
    Okay mentally I know it is but all I had was veggies, a spoonful of peanut butter, and an apple and then I messed it up with that.. 500 calorie limit for sure now.
    Sorry I'm such a mess :(

    1. I know. I just feel like I haven't had moments of happiness in so long, and I don't even know why.
      I'm glad that your exam is over. Are you on Sprig Break now?
      You don't ever have to apologize for being down, that's what I'm here for and that's why I read your blog, to offer you some sort of support when things get tough and to rejoice with you when they're going well :)