Monday, March 11, 2013

I have just finished listening to my fourth lecture for today. Yesterday, I managed to get through 6, but I'm much more tired tonight and I started quite a bit later. I had a soccer game (won 4-1) and I ended up stopping by my house to say hi to my parents (generally pretty awkward and had me running out of there). Skyped with the bf for a bit; he's back in town, but he got home late and I'm trying to make him understand that, this week, I really do need to study. he kept saying how pretty I was and how much he missed me, and I kept answering no, that I look exhausted, that he's just "lonely" so to speak and that he didn't miss me, he was with his friends and family. It's like I've said before, I don't accept compliments very easily. It's not even that I'm trying to be difficult, I'm just being rational. I suppose that it was nice of him to say anyways... I also had that Passion Play thing today that I'm preparing for Good Friday. Got a new part, so I have a few more lines and some more singing. It's alright, but I get really nervous/self-conscious with my singing, so I'm going to have to practice quite a bit I think. Anyways, I have managed to get through 11 out of 23 lectures in 2 days, going to have to up that a little or I'm going to be in serious trouble. For tonight, though, I'm just too tired (it's nearly 2:30am). My roommate keeps reminding that I will do my very best and that that's all that I can do; she knows that I always aim too high and put too much pressure on myself, though I feel like I have considerably reduced my standards recently. I also finally got to weigh myself today, but it was on a full stomach. Even so, I'm down 5lbs in 3 weeks, which isn't great, but is ok considering that I'm on my period (i.e. water retention) and that I had eaten (didn't want to faint during my soccer game, that would've been bad). I want to step this up a notch though, which is why that workout thing is going to start getting serious. Tomorrow is when the official thing starts, and I'm promising myself that I will do it in spite of all the work that I have to do, especially since I have no idea when I'll get the chance to go running this week. I also hate that I used to be so toned, but am now becoming weak. I generally have larger bones and muscles than most of my female friends, so it has always made me very self-conscious because I have never been that "delicate girl", even when I'm lighter than my friends. At the same time though, I never wanted to be "delicate"; I wanted to be able to take care of myself, to stand up for myself, and to never have to depend on a boy to help me with anything. Which is why I am this guarded with my emotions, rarely cry, and make a point of opening my own beer bottles thank-you-very-much; it's a question of pride and principle. Anyways. Now I'm sort of unsure of what I want, body-wise, but I'm going to say that I would rather be toned than flabby either way. And this workout, like I said, is a great alternative/complement to running. It's also a great procrastination/re-energizing tool for when I'm studying. Let's just hope that I stick to it.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend. Be kind to yourselves.

Lena xx 
P.S. Net for today is at -383cal. 


  1. Sigh at least yours compliments you... every guy BUT my boyfriend says I look nice. I'm dying for some affection.
    Great job on your homework! My productivity was meh. Nervous for the week ahead. We can do it!
    I'm so glad you had a loss! Don't beat yourself up. Plateaus happen.
    I hope you have a good start to your week love.
    Loads of hugs!

  2. Hi,
    Thanks for the comment! I'm definitely going to be reading more of your blog.
    I can relate to the way you respond to compliments from your bf. I don't understand why mine thinks I'm pretty, but I've learned to go along with him and smile when he says I'm pretty.
    You also sound like you have a great roommate. Hang onto her!

    1. Thanks for commenting, Emily!
      Yeah, I'm trying the whole "smile and nod" thing, don't think it's working though.
      And, yeah, my roommate is pretty great, but we have issues sometimes. Couldn't picture myself living with anyone else though.