I have just finished listening to my fourth lecture for today. Yesterday, I managed to get through 6, but I'm much more tired tonight and I started quite a bit later. I had a soccer game (won 4-1) and I ended up stopping by my house to say hi to my parents (generally pretty awkward and had me running out of there). Skyped with the bf for a bit; he's back in town, but he got home late and I'm trying to make him understand that, this week, I really do need to study. he kept saying how pretty I was and how much he missed me, and I kept answering no, that I look exhausted, that he's just "lonely" so to speak and that he didn't miss me, he was with his friends and family. It's like I've said before, I don't accept compliments very easily. It's not even that I'm trying to be difficult, I'm just being rational. I suppose that it was nice of him to say anyways... I also had that Passion Play thing today that I'm preparing for Good Friday. Got a new part, so I have a few more lines and some more singing. It's alright, but I get really nervous/self-conscious with my singing, so I'm going to have to practice quite a bit I think. Anyways, I have managed to get through 11 out of 23 lectures in 2 days, going to have to up that a little or I'm going to be in serious trouble. For tonight, though, I'm just too tired (it's nearly 2:30am). My roommate keeps reminding that I will do my very best and that that's all that I can do; she knows that I always aim too high and put too much pressure on myself, though I feel like I have considerably reduced my standards recently. I also finally got to weigh myself today, but it was on a full stomach. Even so, I'm down 5lbs in 3 weeks, which isn't great, but is ok considering that I'm on my period (i.e. water retention) and that I had eaten (didn't want to faint during my soccer game, that would've been bad). I want to step this up a notch though, which is why that workout thing is going to start getting serious. Tomorrow is when the official thing starts, and I'm promising myself that I will do it in spite of all the work that I have to do, especially since I have no idea when I'll get the chance to go running this week. I also hate that I used to be so toned, but am now becoming weak. I generally have larger bones and muscles than most of my female friends, so it has always made me very self-conscious because I have never been that "delicate girl", even when I'm lighter than my friends. At the same time though, I never wanted to be "delicate"; I wanted to be able to take care of myself, to stand up for myself, and to never have to depend on a boy to help me with anything. Which is why I am this guarded with my emotions, rarely cry, and make a point of opening my own beer bottles thank-you-very-much; it's a question of pride and principle. Anyways. Now I'm sort of unsure of what I want, body-wise, but I'm going to say that I would rather be toned than flabby either way. And this workout, like I said, is a great alternative/complement to running. It's also a great procrastination/re-energizing tool for when I'm studying. Let's just hope that I stick to it.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend. Be kind to yourselves.

Love,

Lena xx 
P.S. Net for today is at -383cal.